But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
