At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
