Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
