i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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