You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
