I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She just used a chaser for red wine.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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