she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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