It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
