Hey man sorry I got all grabby
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
