She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
