i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
