Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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