I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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