don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
