everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
