all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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