Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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