i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
