I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
