Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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