The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
