found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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