There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm both gender and math confused
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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