if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
