Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
