He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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