I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
