used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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