all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
