took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize