which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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