my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
