i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize