just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
