Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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