other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
