well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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