and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
