I wish they made helmets for livers.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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