Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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