I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
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