my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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