I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
