he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
