shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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