Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
