Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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