Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
