I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
