Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
