Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
