Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
