I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i came on her dog
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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