Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
