Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
