Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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