I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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