i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
im six kinds of drunk right now
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
