i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
barbara walters just said penis...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
