elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
