NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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