The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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